Valentine’s Day Flex for One
Bean’s Valentine’s Day is going to be epic! When I say epic, I mean, I’m not a single person merely surviving Valentine’s Day – I am a single woman, newly in her 40’s, who is going to celebrate herself as her own Valentine. Who loves me more than me? Nobody. I am loving myself this Valentine’s day.
Like the commercialized events of Thanksgiving and Christmas, Cupid’s Day can remind a person they don’t have what they perceive the masses to have. You haven’t been struck by the arrow of love and if you have, it’s unrequited or complicated. It seems as if everyone else has a significant other and yet here I am – alone – it can feel ostracizing.
Nope. I refuse to feel down on myself just because I’m single. I may be single, but being so really is the happiest time of life. I’m not giving Valentine’s day power over my self worth. Not this year and word to Iylana: “Not on my watch.”
Popular Guy & Popular Girl Valentine
My earliest recollection of Valentine’s Day was Junior High (Winthrop Heads – what up though??). It was lunch period and I remember seeing a huge crowd at one of the tables. Alright, so what’s going on? Whassup?
After making my way through all the bystanders – I saw the most popular girl in school, dressed in an Uptown Girls inspired black and white two piece outfit with the prettiest bouffant skirt; she looked perfect and popular girl had to have known this was coming – she looked ready for this moment. Strategically ready.
The most popular guy in school knelt in front of her with flowers, balloons, and a ring in hand. He was so dreamy. Tall, dark and handsome – all the girls wanted him, but no one but Popular girl fit met his standard.
No, so during this whole scene, Popular Boy wasn’t proposing marriage at the tender age of 13, but he made a grand gesture, one solidifying his love for Popular Girl.
Popular girl cried, kissed him and they hugged, and at that very moment, my curious eyes were wide open, looking at the spectacle taking place; seeds of low self had been planted as I thought to myself:
“No one would ever do this for me. I’m not pretty enough. I’m the poor girl everyone laughs at.”
There it begins. It’s crazy, you take these episodes, internalize them, and they form a base of insecurity that if not careful, will follow you throughout life.
Ironically, as huge a show Popular Guy put on for Popular Girl on Valentine’s Day, the rumor mill was churning that he was having sex with another classmate of mine – a sexual relationship that started during a heated game of spin the bottle game in a raggedy closet.
The lesson here – we can’t take people’s seemingly perfect relationship at face value. The people putting on the biggest show have the most to hide. Not everyone’s happy and not every relationship is perfect. The loudest declarations of love are often the most hollow.
Surviving Valentine’s Day Single
This year, I am NOT surviving Valentine’s Day as a single person – I’m ENJOYING it!
Oh, when I think about the Valentine’s Day of years past. The countless balloons I’d never get, the flowers I’d purchase for myself.
Hell, I remember one Valentine’s Day, I kept checking my phone, waiting so desperately for a “Happy Valentine’s Day” text that would ultimately never come. Valentine’s Day was numbing.
A change in perspective makes for a happier person. If you change the way you see things – you realize what you’re blessed with and you move differently. Blissfully Single Bean is moving differently.
Valentine’s Day is going to be all about me – a complete pamper session.
Spa Session
First off, I’ve scoured Groupon to look for a spa related activity and found a 60 minute massage for only $45. Yes, I am going to lay down, take a whole hour to myself and let someone knead all the tension away. You know why? Because I deserve it.
Munchies
I found this recipe for an amazing seafood dip. Full of shrimp, cheese and veggies, each time I dive into this dip with oven warmed tortillas, it will serve as a reminder of how blessed I am. I’m single, at peace in my own home and …… I’m eating!
Luc Belair Rose
Good food and a good drink go hand in hand. I can’t think of anything better to drink on Valentine’s Day than Belaire. Belaire is a pink bubbly, color fits right into the theme of love. More than that though, it’s so crisp and refreshing, Belaire is my favorite rose. If I’m celebrating love of all things and I love me some Luc Belair Rose; then I’m drinking Belair this Valentin’e Day weekend.
Time Alone
I love my boys to the moon and back, but my precious babies are going to be with their dad Valentine’s Day weekend. I’m putting on a nice fire in my fireplace and going to enjoy not being needed for the night. Having time to yourself is essential in the pampering of oneself. Scary Mommy’s post shows why its so important to treat yourself being by yourself – especially if you are a single parent.
Netflix and Chill
Netflix and chill for one is going to finish my night: “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before,” “Black Lightning,” “Travelers,” there are so many Netflix shows on my list. I love to watch television and there’s absolutely nothing better than the food, drink and Netflix.
Alone and Joyous
Don’t get me wrong and please understand. This isn’t some I can do bad all by myself type post. I love, love. I love the notion of romance and being romanced.
I’m not wagging my finger, nor am I screaming from the rooftops of suburbia that I don’t want a man.
Being in a relationship would be nice. But, as another Valentine’s Day rolls around and I’m single, I’m not going to let Valentine’s day bring me down about not having someone.
Instead, my perspective has shifted and I enjoy the peace of being by myself and celebrating a different kind of love – the love of self.
Stay blissful and above all – love yourself first.
