Today I turn 43 years old.

Although I am getting up there in years, I’ve never been one of those women who hides their age. Every single year is a blessing and I feel like I’m honoring God by being honest about the number of years I’ve been here. Plus, the fact that I look damn good in my 40’s doesn’t hurt either.

This birthday is one of transition for me. I’m making a big move out-of-state. I’m filled with both dread and excitement as I enter my new phase in life. Kids are getting older; time flying by. There are so many emotions swirling around and engulfing me. As I am thankful and reflective on this day, here are the lessons I’ve learned in the 43 years that God has blessed me to be here.

I’m Good Enough

I’ve suffered from low self esteem my entire life. I’ve just never felt pretty enough. Never smart enough. Feelings of worthlessness have plagued me for a majority of my existence. I remember my therapist saying to me, “Sabine, you’re so disrespectful when describing yourself. You use the harshest, most demeaning terms.”

My problems with diminished self worth takes me back to my teenage years, when things were really bad. I can vividly remember being at a revival when I was around 17 years old. The preacher was calling for us to cry out to God and my goodness, did I? With tears streaming down my eyes, arms extended in the air as if I’m trying to touch God’s robe in heaven from my metal folded chair in East New York, Brooklyn. I remember screaming at the top of my lungs for God to please free me from the chains, the prison of low self esteem.

God did. But it’s not as if God waved a magic wand and suddenly I woke up with the obnoxious confidence of a “Karen” living in a gentrified neighborhood. Didn’t work that way. For every year God has blessed me with, life taught me the important lessons that I had to learn, girl, you are good enough. From earning a college degree to raising children on my own, buying a house as a single parent and all of my life experiences in between, listen, I’m strong, like my mother was. I’m resourceful. I refuse to take no for an answer; stubborn to a fault. I’m more than good enough, I’m perfect for myself and for my kids.

Pretty enough? Hell yes. But life has taught me that beauty doesn’t come from the way others view you, but how you view yourself. How does Beans view herself? I’m a bad bitch. That’s on periodt.

You’re a Single Mom – That’s OK!

Coming from a conservative family, being a single mother is a shame I carried for a while. In fact, the desire to be married kept me in a relationship with my children’s father years longer than I should’ve been. At the time, I had a warped way of thinking, maybe if I take the indignities and disrespect then he’ll change his mind. He’ll marry me and make me the good Christian woman that I should have been. Thankfully, we broke up after seven years together.

It took me a long time to come to terms with being a single mother. My prospective was all wrong. I defined my single motherhood as me being part of a negative statistic, instead of viewing it as I should have: I’m a warrior doing the incredible job of raising children as both their mother and father. That’s honorable. It is strength. My single motherhood is even the foundation of the very blog you’re reading. My name is Blissfully Single Bean and I’m a single mom and guess what? That’s OK!

Putting Yourself First Isn’t an Option

Putting yourself first isn’t optional, it’s a requirement. You need to invest time in yourself to make sure you’re balanced. This is especially important for parents as our lives revolve around our children. We tend to fall into the trap of giving to everyone around us that we have nothing left for ourselves.

Looking back at my own life, particularly after having children and being in a tumultuous relationship with their dad, I was operating in robot mode. I worked that good old 9-5 and made sure my children were taken cared of. I was operating on a frequency level that provided for everyone except me. It took years for me to understand that providing for myself first is the most important. If I’m happy and fulfilled, I have more to give my kids. Self care is crucial, so set boundaries with your time and make sure to incorporate pampering and self love into your schedule.

Every Single Day is a Gift

If you’re reading this post, chances are, you’ve survived this terrible pandemic. The fact is, death is all around us. Kobe and his daughter’s passing was astounding; because for many, we lost a hero. Every single day is a blessing from God; treat it as such. I know for me, I fought many bouts of depression. I woke up to so many dark days and was really working through an emotional fog. Over the years, as much as things have gone wrong for me, I’ve learned that my biggest blessing is life and that trumps anything else. At times, we focus too much on what we’re unhappy about in life when simply the ability to breathe should serve as our greatest source of joy.

I’m 43. I’ve lived and am grateful for every lesson in life learned. Take care of yourselves my loves.

Blissfully Single and Yours,