“Mom, can we please have a perm?”

Where do I start with my journey to grow out this kinky hair of mine long? I’ll start with my mother: “Mom, can we get a perm?”

Taking things back, at around the age of 12, my sister and I really want to get our hair straightened. It seems like every girl in Junior High School (shout out to Winthrop Junior High!) is receiving the beauty right of passage. This would be getting the coveted relaxer. A relaxer was next level. Grown. Junior High sexy. Plus your hair has enough softness to move in the wind. That’s really what we want, White girl hair that moves.

It’s crazy, as Black children, our earliest perception of beauty is comes from what, the dominant, White society frames it to be.

In the meantime, here we are, my sister and I, going to school in traditional Haitian hair styles with ball pony tail holders. We desperately want to retire the child like hair accessories for grown up doobie wraps.

“Sabine, you will never have long hair.”

We beg our mother to let us straighten our hair. My mother flat out refuses. She says no and that’s that.

The truth she didn’t want to tell us (and she really should have) is that she was a single mother and her income is limited. Two daughters with relaxers would mean that she’d need to make room in the budget to get our hair professionally done every week for our hair to thrive and she couldn’t afford to do that. Keeping our hair natural was cost effective and healthier for our tresses.

However, against my mother’s wishes, yeah, we did it. My sister and I sneak out, brought two boxes of PCJ Relaxer Creme Kit. We devised a plan and lied to one of my older cousins telling her it was fine for her to straighten our hair.

We came home, hair straightened without a care in the world.

Subsequently, in our delusional little adolescent minds, we think once our mother sees the end result of our hair, she’ll be happy and change her stance.

Contrary to our delusions, my mother takes a look at us and our newly acquired chemically straightened hair. My mother pointedly says to me in a flat tone: “Good. You got a perm? Sabine, you’ll never have long hair.”

The Hair Struggle Years

My mother was right. My hair fell out. In clumps. As a result, there were times when my hair was breaking so badly in the back that it looks like I’m rocking a stylish hair cut when in reality, my hair is falling out at an alarming rate. When I was the age of twelve until 18, these truly are my hair struggle years. I never had long hair.

I wanted a relaxer so bad, but I didn’t know how to take care of my hair.
These were my hair struggle years.

By the time I turned 18 and went off to college, I cut off all my hair a la Halle Berry’s look at the time. My thought was that as an African-American woman, I couldn’t grow my Black hair. I thought genetics were the culprit behind me not being able to grow my Black hair long. I resolved to keep my hair short – but maintain its health by visiting a hair dresser a couple times a month. My hair looked great in it’s short hair cut in college, but I’ve always longed to grow my Black hair long.

Blissfully Single Bean’s Short Hair Cut Days

Black Hair Can Grow Long

It wasn’t until my sister came home from college in her sophomore year that I realized that I can grow my kinky, 4C type hair. My sister, whose had her hair struggles like mine, suddenly came home with hair approaching her mid-back. I just couldn’t believe it.

I asked her how in the world she was able to grow her hair so long. My sister told me that she ascribed to a hair care company that emphasized moisturizing the hair and protective hairstyles. I’m thinking, “Wow, I can grow my Black hair long.”

It was then that the realization hit me that I wasn’t cursed with bad hair. Black hair can grow to amazing lengths, it just takes time, patience and a lot of care.

Caring for Black Hair

As a result, I was on a mission to start caring for this hair of mine to see if I could grow my black hair naturally.

I enlisted the help of hair forums and the internet for ways to grow Black hair fast. In addition, I invested good money into the best products for my 4C hair type. I developed a hair care regimen which consisted of weekly washes and deep conditioning.

Co washing, which is replacing shampoo with conditioner, was a game changer for me. Washing my hair with conditioner was probably one of the most beneficial things did for my hair. I wash my hair weekly with a cleansing conditioner such as Renpure Coconut Creme Cleansing Conditioner.

Eventually, I made the decision to transition from my relaxer to my natural hair, which was huge. I remember when I finally stopped relaxing and began to see my real texture for the first time in over 20 years. I got a little emotional.

With time and consistence, I saw results. This was the longest my hair had ever been. It was such a victory for me. I remember walking into a family party and jaws dropped when they saw how long my hair had gotten.

Continuing the Growing Black Hair Journey

In between my hair growth journey, I had another child, ended my relationship my children’s father and I purchased my own home as a single mother. Sufficed to say, caring for my hair took a back seat to life. I fell off with my hair regimen. I kept my hair in protective hairstyles, but I wasn’t deep conditioning or moisturizing my hair quite as often. There was some length retention, but my hair didn’t grow quite as long as it had before.

I’m back though and I really want to push towards my goal of achieving mid-back length hair. So I am taking it back to the basics.

I’m moisturizing daily with Cantu Shea Butter Hydrating Leave In Conditioning Mist