Dealing with Sadness During Holiday Time
I saw a post on the Shade Room that touched me. The vulnerability stood out.
Rapper, Meg Thee Stallion talks about how this holiday season is a hard one for her. The young woman opens up about losing both her mother and grandmother, all in the same month.
This has been a record year for Meg. Between her smash hit “Hot Girl Summer,” collaborations with stars like Nicki Minaj and her signing a management deal with Roc Nation, the Houston Born rapper is one of the most notable names of 2019.
All the money and fame doesn’t protect Meg. The entertainer struggles with holiday sadness and she isn’t alone. There are thousands of people struggling with sadness or even depression, triggered by the holiday season.
While the holidays are touted as the happiest time of year, it can be the loneliest. Feelings of isolation and sadness tend to creep up in between the beautiful poinsettias and lights of the season.
There are several reasons why.
Loss of a Loved One
Coping with the loss of a loved one is difficult. Consequently, nothing triggers this sadness more than the holiday season. As families come together, the absence of a loved one is emotionally loud, it literally screams the loss to your heart. There’s an emptiness felt.
For me, my mother died around the 4th of July and every Independence Day, instead of fireworks and jubilee, I’m reminded of another death anniversary; another year she is missing from my life.
Unrealistic Expectations
The holiday season poses unrealistic expectations that can stretch the emotional balance of even the strongest.
Not only are you expected to be happier than any other time of the year, but there’s also the many self-imposed obligations. The family get-together, preparing those Thanksgiving and Christmas meals, making sure the home is decorated to perfection, buying gifts, the list goes on. Meeting these expectations can be overwhelming and unrealistic.
The fact is, it isn’t possible to do everything you want to, yet this time of year stresses that doing all should be effortless. Not being able to fulfill every obligation can lead to feelings of inadequacy; which can be a gateway to holiday sadness.
Financial Stress
I’ll never forget the Christmas where I really couldn’t afford to buy my son, who was three years old, at the time, gifts to put under the tree. I’d just moved from Philadelphia to NY and the cost of living difference was huge; quite frankly, I wasn’t ready for it.
Looking at images of Christmas trees with presents stacked high or the neighbors beautiful and expensive light display: the holiday season will remind you just how broke you are.
Most certainly, there is nothing is sadder than wanting to be able to participate in all the gift giving, but not having the means.
A friend of mine joked that Christmastime is when a lot of people take up part time jobs as “stick up” kids. He was kidding, but seriously though…
Lack of a Social Support
Let’s face it, I don’t care how independent or IDGAF you claim to be, you need people, a social circle to connect with and draw support from. The holiday season has a way of making a person feel lonely because of the perception that everyone is blessed with family and friends.
If you are a person who doesn’t have this kind of support, a person can feel ostracized, like you are the only one the outside looking in.
Substance Abuse
The holiday season for me, meant hard liquor. My playlist included Nicki Minaj’s “Pill and Potions”, Moniece Slaughter’s “Riches” & Frank Ocean’s “Thinking ‘Bout You”: I’d listen to these songs, get sad, tilt my head back, and down as much Peppermint vodka as I could, then pass out.
I felt unloved, that my life was a waste and, living in a tiny two-bedroom apartment that I hated for my boys to be in, I felt inadequate as a mother. The holiday season exasperated the sadness that had its roots in the turmoil of my life. I drank excessively this time of year to numb myself and cope with it all.
Therefore, when sobriety returns with its cousin the hangover, the holidays reminds you of what you don’t have, but so very much want. My example serves as one of the many – the holiday season triggers substance abuse that in turn leads to sadness.
Coping and Dealing with Holiday Sadness
There are ways to cope with the sadness of the holiday season. If you are on the of the many who experiences the blues around this time of year, then you can be an active participant in your own healing. Here are some suggestions.
Embrace the Memory of a Loved One
Remember the memory and laugh. Think of the best moments you’ve shared with a loved one and embrace those memories.
The loss doesn’t have to hurt. Instead, turn the hurt into a celebration of life and the blessing of having been able to share that time with a loved one.
Thanksgiving tends to trigger sadness because my mother is not around to see her handsome grandsons.
To fight this, I think about how straight crazy and silly my mom was; and how if she were here, she’d drive my oldest son, who has his dad’s very serious personality, nuts. I chuckle at the thought and now a sense of loss, turns into comforting laughter.
If It’s Too Much – Say No
The holiday season, and every event wrapped up into it can be overwhelming.
Above all, managing expectations is crucial to get to through this time of year. Holiday parties, gift exchanges, church events…if you are finding it’s too much, it is perfectly fine to say no.
My family throws the most amazing Thanksgiving get gatherings, however, I live an hour away. This year, I’m saving myself the aggravation of the drive. My Thanksgiving will be spent at home, cooking for the kids and a childhood friend visiting.
In the end, establishing limits this time of year is key to self-care.
Financially Plan for the Holiday Season
The holidays are a very expensive time of year.
Between gifts, meal planning and home décor, not being able to afford it all can be a pretty upsetting. Being strategic this time of year can make the holidays easier to cope with.
For example, try creating a gift giving list and limiting it to the most important people in your life.
Unless you’ve got a couple of extra dollars to spare, you don’t have to succumb to the fallacy that presents need to go to everyone.
My priorities are my children. If I didn’t birth you, I am under no obligation to stretch my finances trying to get anyone else a gift because of the Christmas narrative we are fed.
Moreover, don’t be afraid of getting a second job. In fact, there plenty of places hiring and the extra income comes in handy when there is so much to purchase for the holidays.
Find Social Support
One of the biggest culprits of sadness and loneliness during the season is the feeling you are alone when everyone else seems to have family and friends to spend time and enjoy the holidays with.
I’ve spent a couple of holidays away from my mom and siblings (due to being away at school) and I can say from personal experience, the sadness of having no one around during this time is crippling.
Again, you can be proactive in your own emotional well-being: Take action! Reach out to loved ones and friends to connect with. If you are a person who truly has no one; support groups and online resources can provide great comfort.
There are several groups with folks who need the support and companionship, especially during the holidays.
Look for groups in the community where you live, religious organizations and those associated with educational facilities such as universities. Surviving the Holidays has seminars specifically geared towards helping people to cope with the holidays.
Put the Bottle Down
Whether it’s alcohol or drugs, the holidays is the time of year where there needs a pause on using these as a coping mechanism.
Comparatively looking back, drinking was the last thing I needed to do. Drinking only increased my feelings of inadequacy and sadness.
I do understand that for many, putting the bottle down is easier said than done. Look for resources such as Alcohol Anonymous that can provide both group and individual support to help get through the holidays sober and overall, happier.
The Blissful Take Away
All things considered, sadness can strike anyone during any time of the year.
However, the Holiday Season is one where many and even the most jovial find can find themselves in a space of sadness and isolation. Taking an active role in your well-being is key to surviving these oftentimes emotional trying months.
Blissfully Yours Friends,
