Leverage Disappointment & Increase Your Capacity

“One thing I learned there on that beautiful front porch was if I wanted to be successful, if I wanted to do important work one day, I would have to increase my capacity. I had to learn to manage disappointment.” The Magnolia Story

Homeless in Atlanta

Far from a beautiful front porch, but as I sit here, essentially homeless in a hotel room with my children AND my precocious dog, the words I read from Jonnna Gaines, they hit a nerve. Learning to manage disappointment in particular. Increasing capacity.

OK, so let me start over and ease up on the melodramatics. If you’re an avid reader of the Blissfully Single Bean blog (if you are THANK YOU – if not, JOIN MY LIST), you’ll know that I’ve been wanting to move to Atlanta for a hot minute now. Well, I’m here in Georgia now, but unfortunately, it isn’t the seamless transition I was hoping for.

After quickly having to pack up my sold house, I drove the 15 hours and as SOON as we touched ground in Atlanta, we met with a realtor and hit the ground running looking to buy a new home.

Through God’s grace, the very first house we saw – we fall in love. A lovely 3-story townhouse, each level boasting it’s own bathroom. My 15 year old would finally get the privacy he craves. Even better than the lovely home, it’s located in an excellent school district. Neighborhood has plenty of amenities to keep my children engaged.

I put in an offer in that very day; it was a Saturday. Offer accepted; we’re in contract by Sunday! By Monday morning, I receive a call from what I thought would be my new employer telling me that due to the rise in the Delta variant, the company was cancelling the rest of its trade shows for the year and guess what? Job offer was rescinded and now I’m out of a job after just placing an offer on a new home.

Blaming God (Et Al)

Talk about managing disappointment? I did the worst thing you can ever dare do. I blamed God. Now mind, you – when I purchased my first house, I was laid off in the middle of the process. I had to quickly find a job to save the deal; and again, through what I believe to be God’s intervention, I did. Now here I am, my second home purchase… and I’m out of a job – AGAIN!

I turned all of my bitterness and anger towards God. As I poured glass after glass of Casamigos Repasado tequila by the hotel pool and cried, I channeled all my energy into asking God why he hated me so much? Yes, my friends, I’d lost my ever-loving mind.

I think about my sister and my cousins who are all blessed beyond measure, their walks seemingly highly favored. Was it because I’m an unwed single mom of two? Is it because I didn’t make the best choices in life anchored by the Bible? Is this punishment? My victimization mode circles back towards me and I take comfort in what I do best, I make the darkest and most disparaging comments about myself: “Beans, you stupid B#tch, you really thought this move to Atlanta was going to work?”

Next, I turn my vitriol towards the closest and only real friend I have here in Atlanta. Looking back at my life and my patterns, the ones I love the most usually turn out to be my emotional punching bags.

This is why, at 43, my friend Jaye is probably the only friend I have left. I’m estranged from my sister. I lost a childhood friend some years back. I have issues keeping and fostering friendships. So yes, while I look at Jaye’s life that seems so charmed; beautiful home, lovely wife, gifted kid, my anger swells, because he seemingly walks kissed by the perfection of life.

I make my friend Jaye feel the sting of my disappointment in my situation as I hiss insults at him like, “Mr. Perfect” and “Know-it-All.” Those night’s when I’m especially mean spirited and drunk – I plead for him to get off that high horse; you know, the one that connects directly to God’s throne of grace that I don’t seem to have access to. Then, hours later, my sobering moment comes. Under the dull headache of a hangover, I realize that I conveniently forget that my buddy Jaye is in the same crap shoot known as Corporate America. Just like me, he’s no stranger to losing a job at the very worst moments. His life isn’t perfect. No one’s life is; but at the moment I’m angry and I need a place to deposit my unbearable pain.

A Trip to The Bookstore and Magnolia to Gain Perspective

So now my days are reduced to taking my children to school, Zoom interviews, binge watching reality TV and clearing at least one bottle of Pinot Grigiot for the night. The disappointment of losing this job and having to find another one incapacitates me both physically and emotionally.

I’m thankful for my oldest son who wants to take a trip to Barnes and Noble. I wasn’t intending on purchasing anything. I just want to get back to the hotel room so that I can see what Ms. Juicy and Ms. Minnie on Little Women Atlanta are going to fight about next. However, as I make my way to browse the cooking books, I pass “The Magnolia Story” by Chip and Joanna Gaines. Now, I love these two and with all the television I’d been watching lately, maybe I can revive a brain cell or two by reading.

The Inspiration & Blissfully Single Lesson

I’m glad I picked up this book; it’s inspiring. A very much needed read. For me, reading this book is akin to an emotional defibrillator. The Magnolia Story essentially jolts me out of the cancer of low self worth to remind me to do what I’ve always done – FIGHT! Increase your capacity – and do this especially when the odds are stacked against you: “Go in like you’ve always done Beans. You got this!”

I’ve had my fair share of emotional trauma growing up. Due to this, I have a thing with thinking everyone else’s life is perfect, but mine. Turns out, despite the empire they’ve built through HGTV, Chip and Joanna Gaines life is far from perfection, it was a fight. For Joanna, it was a fight for self acceptance when her classmates teased her for being different due to her Korean heritage. Chip’s struggles in similar terms to his wife was reconciling and accepting who he was as a rule breaker; someone who “colors outside of the line.” Together, their darkest days were carrying so much debt in acquiring what they collectively wanted; the entrepreneurial life.

The major difference between The Gaines’ and someone like me (I mean, aside from the massive wealth and the fame) is a difference in perspective. This couple did not face hardship with bitterness and darkness. Along their way to success, they were tested and they did the work. Chip and Joanna increased their capacity in the face of disappointment.

Next Steps

I’m unemployed and trying to buy a house. These are unfortunate circumstances I cannot change. However, what I can do is increase my capacity. Keep applying to jobs. Interview as often as requested. Create content for my YouTube channel. That handmade bath and body shop I had on Etsy, listen to that voice and revive it. Start drawing again. Work on my blog. The most valuable, blissfully single lesson learned is that the worst thing I can possibly do in the face of adversity is to do nothing.

Next steps pending. I’ll keep you all posted about how things turn out – but until then; thank you for reading.

Blissfully Single & Yours,