I very much need to expand my “Gallery of Girlfriends” or “Guy-Friends” too.

The gallery, known as my friendship circle, it needs to grow a little, well, maybe more than a little. In any case, the fact remains: I need more friends in my life.

I mean, what’s the big deal? Making friends as an adult should be easy, right? A “no-brainer” if you will. You meet new people, you like them and then boom! You’re bosom buddies!

I mean, in an idealistic world, it would be that simple. In reality, no, not-so-much. Myself, and many single parents like me face a few challenges along the way in making new friends.

First off, as a single mom, my time is limited and thinly divided between being a mother, paying bills, church and time spent enjoying moments with my expanded family of cousins. When you compound this with living out in the suburbs, where things are so far out of the reality that I am used to, how exactly would I find time to gain a new friend or two?

There’s literally no time, at least, not for me there isn’t.

I hit the reset button on my thoughts to ask myself: Do I really need more acquaintances? Are friends really all that important when I’ve got so much going on?

Importance of the Friend: The Missed Festival

I was so annoyed. No, I mean, really, REALLY annoyed.

I found an amazing event on Facebook I desperately wanted to attend; The Second Annual Creole ( Kreyol/ Kriol/Crioulo) Food Festival. The festival highlights and celebrates the Creole influence on different types of cuisine. Just looking at the ad was a moment of learning for me as I didn’t think Creole, as a style of cooking, had such reach. Uninformed, I thought Creole simply touched Haitian and New Orleans cuisine.

The photos of the event told a more layered story. French, Spanish, African & Portuguese food, all “remixed” with Creole flavor. As I stared at savory, colorful looking dishes, my mouth literally watered. What took me out was the shrimp rice with a side of lobster, honey yes, this was worth a trip out of the suburbs into the city to attend!

Friends, the venue was just as perfect – The DL Rooftop Lounge boasts an urban chic and eclectic atmosphere that reminded me of how I wasn’t taking advantage of a vibrant and innovative, nah, a DOPE city like New York.

Great, unique food, a picturesque view of the Williamsburg bridge, drinks, music … and most importantly, a crowd my age, what more could you possibly ask for? In hastily buying a ticket, I didn’t even think twice about who I was attending this event with – surely I’d find someone. Of course I would.

Um, so yeah, I didn’t. No one wanted to go with me.

Friendship: The Health Benefits

Admittedly, my example above, not having anyone to attend a food festival with is probably on the vapid side, I’ll admit. However, I will say that it upset me that there wasn’t one cousin, one friend that was free to go with me. In the end, I did not attend and ended up not attending and wasting $50 on a ticket, but the point was clear: I need more friends to call on.

In reality though, cultivating friendships is more important than we think. Plainly put, having friends not only contributes to an enhanced quality of life, but studies show that having our cohorts, our gallery of friends, is associated with longer and overall healthier life.

Author Tom Rath conducted an extensive study on friendship and found what society tends to overlook, the vital importance of friendship. Rath’s book, “Vital Friends: The People You Cannot Afford to Live Without,” Rath explains that a lack of meaningful friendships is a contributing factor to failed marriages, homelessness, over-eating and an overall reduced quality of life.

Yes,we need friends.

A couple of surprising friend facts:

Friends are “Immuno-Boosters”: A life-style rich with a close knit of circle of friends unlocks positive emotions. Positive energy makes the immune system stronger. The interaction you have with friends including conversation and laughter – It’s a high similar to an endorphin rush after exercise.

Friendships are Heart Healthy: You want to keep that ticker in tip top shape? You’re able to deal with stress in healthier ways when you have friends. In turn, dealing with stress in healthier ways has benefits to heart health. Looking at a Study by the National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute, following women with coronary disease, found that participants without a social network were twice as likely to die during the study.

Women involved in this study who had a network of friends experienced lower rates of high blood pressure, diabetes and other chronic diseases.

Live Longer through Friendships

Looking in general, people who embrace friendships tend to live longer and happier lives.

Tips on Increasing the Gallery & Making New Friends

Again, it isn’t easy. Whether you are married, single, or in between, life as an adult, full of pressing responsibilities, to find the time to make friends. As people of a certain age with so many other things to do – yes, a tip or two helps to move things along. So here’s a list of tips that I’ve found in meeting new people in the hopes of expanding friendship circles:

Meet Ups

Just as it sounds; you meet up with like minded individuals such as yourself. Your common interests gets you to a meeting point, and from there, you see who you can connect with. Bumble is a social app that hosts different types of these gatherings. I know for myself, working to grow my blog, I’m looking for meet ups focused on aspiring bloggers. I’ll be on the look out for a friend or two when I do attend.

Join Local Groups on Social Media

We’re living in the age of social media. A lot of our initial connections are made through the internet. Joining a local group is a great first step towards making new friends – especially for a girl like me, living out in the suburbs.

Get a part time job

Wait now – give me a chance here. It sounds strange, but getting a part time gives you the opportunity to meet new people. I met one of my closest friends at a part time retail job some years back (Hey, Girl! I know you’re reading).

Connect with old friends

Don’t be afraid to reach out to old friends. I had the blessing of connecting with an old Sunday School teacher turned friend. He’s a blessing, he sends me amazing podcasts and when we meet up for our “downloads” whenever we can, it’s hours of conversation, drinks, food and fun!

Volunteer

Give back and meet new potential friends in the process!

Join a Gym

I always take note on how much of a social event going out to the gym and working out is. There are so many people, different ages, if you go regularly, you are bound to connect and find a friend or two with the same goal as you – living a healthier lifestyle.

Making Friends

In short, making new friends, regardless of where you live, in the ‘Burbs or City, it takes a lot of work. Increasing your gallery of friends means “getting out there” and inserting yourself into spaces where you can meet and connect with new people.

I know, it sounds like a lot.

BUT, if you can a find that friend who will be there to accompany you to a food festival or one that will be your support through the death of a loved one or a divorce, then my friend, the work is worth its weight in gold.

Blissfully Your Friends,